yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
