what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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