just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
4 words: hood of his car
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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