I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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