I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
