chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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