my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
