whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is Oprah even human
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
