Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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