No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
