She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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