Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
