Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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