The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
