Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
