Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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