So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
