I love black thongs
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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