my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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