Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
