Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
