shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
