After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize