I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
