I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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