if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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