I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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