Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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