Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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