1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
