Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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