Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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