You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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