I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
