a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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