he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
