As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
