Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
