I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
