Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
