remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize