in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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