But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
