just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
