was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
