Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
