So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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