hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
