i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
