i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
