Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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