weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
