My room smells like vodka and shame
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
