Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
