how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
