this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
