God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
