It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have demons in me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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