The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is Oprah even human
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
