Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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