i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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