i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
