guess who came home with a hottie last night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.