I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again