his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops