good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.