i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
