He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
