Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
they need to just BURY HIM!
even my farts smell like vagina
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
