no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
