all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
