I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
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So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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