I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
