Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
