I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
