Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
