that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
