Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
